Blackbird singing in the dead of night, take these broken wings and learn to fly... All your life, you were only waiting for this moment to arise... blackbird singing in the dead of night, take these sunken eyes and learn to see all your life, you were only waiting for this moment to be free

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

notes on a parenthetical weekend 2

Well the lightheadedness has certainly cleared up and I'm feeling a lot less dramatic. Turns out writing about things certainly helps clarify them. (ha! who knew! I've only been doing this since I could hold a crayon...) I'm definately not feeling as spacey as yesterday and with four pages of notes and four pages actual written so far (albeit in a tiny notebook not legal size by any means.)

I'm trying to remember what has happened
(because somethings happen and they are beautiful if only
for when and how they happen),
what has been said (because some things said are
clearer than some things written
(although they tend to evaporate at a much higher rate
which is truly tragic), and finally
string all of these things together in a not cryptic narrative
that will help explain the mystery of my continuing existence.

Monday, March 21, 2005

a note on a parenthetical weekend

Do you know what melancholy feels like? Right now it’s a light headedness combined with a slight case of nausea and that is only the physical aspect, really the most minor part. For someone who claims to know myself pretty well and how I react in situations I am certainly able to surprise myself. Regardless I repeat myself, or I repeat the circumstance. Or maybe it is that the situation is different this time (aren’t they always) or maybe it is just me newfound ability to see it in a clearer light. I must have decided somewhere along the line that it was worth the risk. Or maybe that was a decision that I never made, just a fact and part of the necessity of living.

Friday, March 18, 2005

... may he be my Sweet Sunday Man

“Did you hear about Bobby Fischer?” she asks, and sidles into the booth seat opposite him.
“What? Oh yeah. Hopefully this Iceland thing will work out for him. Other than that I hear he’s planning on marrying the head of the chess association in Japan,” he responds. “uh… I’m ______, nice to meet you.” He says this and closes the top of his laptop to turn and face her.
“Its amazing how these things work. He’s not allowed in the U.S. because he played a game in Yugoslavia, the former. Oh and I’m Christine,” she says this and lifts the coffee cup to her lips.

Thursday, March 10, 2005

This morning I dreampt I was having an extended conversation with my favorite Radio K dj, Thomas Kwong. I’m not quite sure what we were talking about, but it was definitely longer than our conversations, if you could call them that have been in real life. Ok. Let’s be honest, I’ve only spoken with him once. I was driving home from Edina, having just quit my new temp job on the second day, after having been offered a real job in a field that is as close to “my field” as its probably going to get. I was in a joyful mood, the people that I had to tell I was quitting were much more pleasant than I expected. Many of them came up to wish me well and even though I felt a little guilty over quitting on the second day my supervisor told me that many of them would have done the same thing had the opportunity arose. It was just after 8am and I was driving against the morning rush hour traffic with the grey winter sky as a backdrop. The lousy coloring was no match for my happiness so I decided to call in to Radio K and request the only song that I knew would truly express my mood “Me and Mia” by Ted Leo (I won't link to it again, you know I love it). Thomas was not thrilled with my request. He explained that when the song first came out it was constantly in his cue and while he liked it he had gotten sick of it and was not going to play it again. We had a nice little conversation as I drove along Excelsior while I tried to convince him that indeed if he just waited long enough he would love it again, but in the mean time could he please play something by Ted Leo and preferably off of the Tyranny of Distance. Eventually he did and it was my least favorite song on the album… I was hoping for Biomusicology, but as I’m terrible with remembering the names of songs I just had to go with his best judgment. I still love him anyway and not in that Enduring Love creepy kind of way either.

Monday, March 07, 2005

Yesterday -
- compiling the wake up playlist which included that Bright Eyes song, one by Mason Jennings (I know! gasp! shock!), a live version of Guns and Cigarettes by Atmosphere featuring Eyedea and the theme from Eternal Sunshine by Beck (sometimes his voice resonates within me)
- walking in the warm warm sunshine to breakfast
- seeing everyone and their dog enjoying the false spring day as well
- wishing we could have our vegetarian eggs benedict brought to us out there on the sidewalk
- saying hello/chatting with at least five aquaintences (One of whom I hadn't seen since a coffee date in the middle of January. Hes still a cutie, but it left me wondering what I was doing trying to imagine myself dating someone who goes on ski trips to Norway. Sometimes the differences are both the draw and the repellent.)
- taking a later extended walk and stripping down my upper layers so that only the t-shirt was left (Then finding the two of us sitting on a short cement wall near Lake of the Isles enjoying the view, of the puppies mostly, but tired of walking. "I want to leave, but I don't want to get up." She laughed which made me think she understood what I was saying.
- needing a nap so desperately but refusing to collapse for fear of wasting such a lovely day
- collapsing on my bed only to be summoned for dinner and walking all over downtown in search of restaraunts that either don't exist or aren't open on Sundays with such lovely people that really it doesn't matter the level of exhaustion or the status of the restaraunt I was happy to be with them.
- falling asleep at 10:30 completely exhausted and content

And to think that was just one of the days of my incredible weekend. If i had more weekends like this i might explode from sheer happiness or more likely my liver will rebel from the wine consumption...

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

Napoleon was right...

Nik forwarded this important news article to me. Evidently ligers really do exist.

Deb: What are you drawing?
Napoleon Dynamite: A liger.
Deb: What's a liger?
Napoleon Dynamite: It's pretty much my favorite animal. It's like a lion and a tiger mixed... bred for its skills in magic.