Blackbird singing in the dead of night, take these broken wings and learn to fly... All your life, you were only waiting for this moment to arise... blackbird singing in the dead of night, take these sunken eyes and learn to see all your life, you were only waiting for this moment to be free

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

I'm not usually one for spreading other people's quoted words about, but yesterday during a job interview I used a current favorite thought of mine. Anton Chekhov was quoted as saying "If you want to work on your art, work on your life". I have to be able to laugh at myself for using this phrase which resonates very deeply for me in an attempt to interject myself into the world of corporate America. Ok, to be honest I haven't been laughing at myself for using it and I have been wrestling with the oncoming repercussions of now accepting (in an as usual rushed decision) said corporate job. Granted - the position is only temp to hire, but they have quite an intensive training so they wanted to make sure I'm really signed on for the position. I had to say yes, especially since yesterday afternoon was the new low point in what had up until then been a pretty scar free stint, scratches and temporary bruises like I'm sure this will turn out to be, but right now it still stings, as a temporary employee. I’m still nervous though, the people seem really nice, the atmosphere good, the work is not ideal, but the compensation seems like it definitely will be. I also hate the idea of being caught in-between things and the possibility of letting people down (no matter how briefly I’ve known them) if I would possibly get an interview for one of the nonprofit positions that I’ve been polishing my cover letters to a steady gleam for. (Also I do realize this position is technically temp to hire, however they have a very good history of hiring their temps and yesterday were selling me the fact that there is much room for moving around within the company and it is encouraged. Also, there would be a possibility that I could be hired on before the temping period is technically over. Meaning that instead of this decision happening in May when the temp period runs to if they are happy with me they could bump it up a couple of months.) Evidently because of a situation at the company they needed to know last night what my decision was, even with that my contact told me that the interviewer had told me that he would wait for me because he was just that impressed. I was nervous going in there in how my experiences would transfer over to the corporate world and how that would be viewed in an interview. Evidently I’m a good communicator, but is this the right thing to do? As far as corporate goes the company seems to have its head/heart? in the right place, but that doesn’t alleviate all my fears. Have I joined the enemy? Will I be forgiven and where do I go from here?

Tuesday, January 11, 2005


hot water hits skin
moist bullets
penetrate unseen

an effort to rise
steam engulphs
my brain won't let go

persistant, i wait
heat increase
thoughts manipulate

would be nice
dissapation too

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

today is experiment day. i decided that i was tired of wearing the same nasty thin brown pants that i wear nearly every day to my designated place of tiresome employment so instead today i wore a skirt. thats right. you might want to check the weather in case you haven't heard - it is winter. i really needed to switch things up though. it actually works quite well considering, it is long and grey and part wool, part stretchy material and it gave me a chance to not only wear my long underwear, but also the cool leg warmers that i recieved for xmas last year. i think i look quite smashing in it, especially when accompanied by my winter boots.

ahhh. minnesota.

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

red tea

i'm drinking it by the pot today
stifling my cough
hoping the steam will calm my
nasal passages for as long as possible

two hands clasping the warm cup

my finger touches the bottom of my nose
entirely too often, and i notice you
doing the same
and yet you're smiling
i am too - despite my illness

we volley conversation
stopping to catch a
breathe or
return to the original
point, suddenly remembered

the smile starts at your lips and teeth
but that is only the beginning

eyes caught for a moment between those
baton like hands (maybe you should
have studied music instead)
and those dancing saucers
i see the abandoned patter of a froth
swirl in your cup

the corners of your eyes - that's where
it gets good

you are smiling, I take another sip

all i can think of is my sudden
overwhelming desire
to be out there walking
holding your hand