There is a certain amount of dread that goes into attending the office holiday party. Each office does their holiday celebration in a different way. I used to love the outings that we would have as a college AV department. Our supervisor would take our tiny staff out to Buca for what was for me a resplendent meal accompanied not only by a bottle of Chianti (which I took home with me and used as a lovely candle holder) but also a desert wine. I was in heaven. This was a true occasion for our tiny and yet remarkably diverse (there was the campus ministry guy, the Egyptian playa, the Filipino little brother, our eccentric boss, and me the quiet book nerd with a penchant for local music) staff to get out and enjoy each others company. We squeezed into a booth, made horrible jokes, drank some wine and laughed harder than anyone else in the place.

After college however I discovered the true awkwardness of the staff holiday party. This was the party where I made sure that I was not only carpooling with my solitary friend in the office, but that I would also be sitting right next to her and her significant other at the time. This still was not enough the feeling of self loathing that overcame me as we drove away from the restaurant. I should have had someone there to show off to all the others. I honestly couldn't help those self pitying tears that welled up in the darkness of the car. I couldn't let them drop because seriously this is Minnesota and in December its pretty freaking cold here. That if nothing else will momentarily put self pity in check.

There is nothing like the open call on an office party invitation to invite family and significant others to cast your seemingly happy single life in a different light. Regardless of the fact that my friends are my family and often fill many (but not all) of the roles of a significant other, they are not welcome at the holiday party. Also I wouldn't dream of causing them the weirdness of having them tag along only to have their primary conversation of the evening resolve around explaining who they came with, why they were and why they were there and having to include the lovely phrase "no, we're just friends."

The next party is right around the corner. This is a new office for me and I see that they do things a little differently here. Significant others and family are still welcome of course but the party starts in the early afternoon and is not out at some nice restaurant. I've signed up to bring the spinach dip. Let's hope that the new environment and friendly variety of coworkers helps to ensure that my after staff holiday party depression doesn't show up this year.